Saturday, October 24, 2009
sucks. wallet kena kop-ed. but somehow it ended wif de police.
dis wallet is magical. so many times. i lost it. in china, in hk, in thai, in singapore. U gave me dis and no matter how i lose it. it will return. though its spoilt. i dun plan to change it.
ytd u din come. today. pls come. dun worry. nuting's gonna happen.
;6:04 PM
Monday, October 19, 2009
just looking out of the window. realize something. best fren/lesbian/ colleague?
sorry shes ur fren. shes her fren. she shld be my fren. but why? i dun wan to judge her cos shes ur fren. but did u realize something? u gave up me for ur best fren. i am not asking u to befriend her. but why not try to haf both? i can compromise, u know it. however u put her always in the first priority. Oh i made a promise to go wif her, oh i made a promise to my god daughter. How many promise u made to me and u broke it. If u are busy i am realli ok. but for 4 months, 4 MONTHS. i am always dere standing ready for you. yet u took it for granted.
FRENS CAN BE NICE. BUT NO FRENS ARE FOREVER. sometimes i realli feel stupid. though i know we can't be back together, i just wan to celebrate ur bday cos i promised u. Taking a 2 hr bus ride and wait for you at 12am. hoping to surprise u and do a countdown wif u. but i din get the chance to. Ur frens can wish u happy bday, BUT DID ANIONE REALLI TAKE UR BDAY SERIOUSLY AND CELEB WIF U?
its 1140. no answer. i call and call . not even knowing whether where are u or even i may haf to wait till de next morning to see you. i sat on the wooden bench waiting, looking silly.
I am not trying to compare. but is my care and concern taken for granted? i realli wanted to tell u how much i love you in the past. I DO . AS ALWAYS. u shld know me v well. i am not good wif words but i do take actions.
I know its hard for you to travel to my hse. i appreciate ur effort. i know u reali suffered for de 1/2 year. but can't u just recognize i did camp outside ur sch every fri and wait for u?? for at least 1 yr? another yr of travelling into NTU to look for you? i appreciate u coming my hse, but as long as its possible, i am willing to take the transport wif u. and if u come alone to my hse, at least i will spend 2 nights wif u??
i took 2 hr ride to ur hse. meet u for dinner and just less than 10mins talk. u said u are tired and haf to sleep. and i took andother 2 hr ride home. even i know 4 hrs to exchange for a 10mins talk is damn stupid. i didn't mind. i try to grab every single chance to meet u. i did it not for once . but more than thrice. u just tell me u are tired and u need to sleep. i respected that. but i belive dere is a limit to everything.
i know u love cars. i am supportive of u getting ur license. u promise next time we wun be so mafan to travel cos u can drive. i am realli happy u got ur license. but instead of driving me, u drive ur best fren, u drive ur frens.
I appreciate dat day u come my hse for 10 mins. BUt since u can drive to pick up ur fren in simei. and shop wif him and slack till 1 a.m. why cant u do de same. and u onli gave me 10 mins. Is frens always de first priority to u?
Everytime i play "somewhere over the rainbow", alot of emotions come to me. de song is for you and somehow de song keep replaying nowadays. even on tv commeericals. tmr i am gonna go for lessons. i wan to learn more instruments. but den everyone thinks dat i am doing it for you again. "music instrument and u" deres a link again. i just keep wondering. i just can't figure out wat went wrong for me. i realli tried hard enuff. but u seems to haf too much haf an impact to me.
;1:18 AM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
poor jiaqing. i realli dunnno how to console him. hopefully he can adapt the new life. at the least, someone is dere to care for him. I feel so screwed. At my lowest point of life, i just hope someone is dere to tell me its ok. but its always the opposite. I have learnt so much but no one is gonna recognize it. Hope u are doing well, but of course. I am still suffering from the aftermath. I just got screwed..
;5:21 PM
Saturday, October 17, 2009
The last post is at jan 06 2006. its been 3 years and 10 months after i post again. I am not going to backspace in this post nor going to correct the grammar. I am fucking tired and angie just called me to tell me abt some bad news.
The time now is 8.27am. Yes, i am a lil drunk. But everytime i drunk,my mindset will be only on one thing. Not the fun i had in pub or club, Not the alochol, and definitely not the gals dat are around me. My mindset is sort of focus on only 1 thing. I used to enjoy the cab ride and enjoy the hug in my block lift. and of course the hug dat allow me to sleep peacefully. Seriously, i miss the times. I didn't enjoy any cab ride wif guoming and after alighting the cab, i haf to crawl home alone, lie down inside the lift and sleep alone. I am afraid as well. serious.
My mom has told me the conversation u 2 had, i knew everything. I realli tried hard enough to forget you. At my most important time, u left me witnhout warnings. Wat did i do wrong? or Wat did i not done enuff. And back to tuesday.
I SERIOUSLY DUN MEAN IT.realli. I just wan to let u know its part of me dats caring for you.unless i am a bastard, in wat situation will i tell u that i mind you cos of that. I am not a perfect person either, but let me repeat. NO MATTER HOW U CHANGE, I WILL STILL LOVE U WIF ALL MY HEART. I ACCEPT U AS A WHOLE. i hope u didn't misunderstand me. IN the past i know its a sensitive issue to talk about, so i didn't wan to talk about it.I REAALI DUN INTEND TO HURT U . IT NOT COS U LEFT ME AND I WAN TAkE REVENGE, in simple, i just realli wan let u know a simpel like dis. by tellin gu this white lie. U CAN BE MUCH HAPPIER. BUT I REALL RELLI didn'tmind at all.
I AM NOT ACTING TO BE NICE AND LIE AS I ALWAYS DO. U are de most important person to me, even if i am telling a "white lie" and be nice to my own gf. IS IT WRONG?? AM I LIEING? for the past years, i know u mind about it alot. BUT I REALLY DUN MIND. NO MATTER HOW U BECOME, u are still the most gorgeous, most attractive person to me.
I know u are worried abt alot of stuffs. I CAN REALLI ASSURE U EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. Even if you dun trust me, can u trust my parents pls?? i know u suffer in the past. i know ur mindset change once u started working.
Just like me, the life in NS change my mindset as well. I know how u feel. BUT UR ONLY REPLY IS
TOO LATE.
Seriously i know i didn't do some things int jhe past. I AM REALLI sorrry. I realil didn't know. but i realli tried to make it up for you. EVERYTING IS ABOUT U. I shouldn't talk about it here, u should know how hard i try and u should be able to see my effort.
I KNOW u didn't wan me to change because of for the sake of changing for you. I CUt down on cigarattes, its not dat because my gf dun let me smoke. IT cos i think further than many of the people of my age do. I DUN WAn dat in 1 day, my wife is pregnant and i am smoking, i do care abt my next generation health. It may sound ridicoulous but i realli thot of it. And once i cut down, my personal health is better and i can save muc more money. I KNOW. i just need time. every living things need time to adapt. Just like tattoos and going out wif frens, i admit i was once a bastard. but as time goes by, i accepted it.
I KNOW wat is RESPOSIBLITY. I am resposbile for everything i do and of course everything dat i do dat might affect you.
i dun wan to win u back because of my begging and crying. i wan you to realli gif it a thot.ARE U REALLI WILLINing to let it GO??? even if 2 1/2 year is a suffering period, i am sure dere are many happy times dat are in it too. AND I GURANTEE NOW< THE FUTURE WILL ONLY GETS BETTER.WHy are you so one-sided tinking, is everything i gave u is pain but nothing? CANT U just stop to wonder and say " i dunno wat i wan". I REALLI CAN ASSURE U, i will work wif you and get wat u wan if u can cooperate wif me. nO one CAN EVER CLAP WIF ONLY 1 hand. I KNOW U WAN DEGREE. I KNOW U WAN SETTLE DOWN. CANT WE JSUT DISCUSS ABT IT AnD SEE WAT WE CAn DO? maybe we can settle down and study at same time. I realli hate it when u said everything is too late. ITS NEVER TOO LATE. dere is no such ting as too late to me. even if i do it late, its better than i dun even attempt to do it rite.
STUDY IN THE FUTURE, i realli wanted to go wif u. DREAMING EVERYDAY IN MY POLY DAYS. REnting an aparment in a foreign country and spend the time wif you. I AM WILLING TO GIVE UP MY US COLLEGE DREAMS to study In AUS which is nearer for you even if we realli can't go together. I will tried as much as i can to come back as often. I WORRIED since i was in china. 1 1/2 years of worries, finally i can conclude with some realistic options, u left me. ITs nto that i dun wan to assure u in the past, i just dun wan to make empty promises. IF I SAY I WAN. I CAN. I WILL DO IT . JUST FOR YOU.
Seriously i am aware of all your worries. just that i dun wan say everything out. I DUn wan to make u more stress since you are so trouble wif your teachign alr.i am sorry but i realli feel dat u are too selfish. i haf seen examples before me, yall because of the same reason, u are no longer wif them. thats why i been trying v hard to gif all i can to you. ALl i need is just time to adapt.
I PROVE MYSELF BY PLAYIGN THE HARMONICA> YES ITS FOR YOU. i learnt if for you. its riddicoulous for ryan to be able to play an instrument. i just wan to show eveyrpme. I WAN I CAN.
I JUST DUN WAN U TO KEEP ESCAPING FROM REALITY. U CANT HAF EVERYTHING IN A GO. BUT I AM AlWAYS DERE TO HELP U GET AS MUCH AS U WAN. i had been always trying and doing dat.
Remember the timeline? IF I CAN FINALLY FORGET EVERYTHING IN THE PAST , fuck care the past AND START AFRESH wif u. WHY CANT U? i PROMISE A NEW RYAN, not a new simba.
;8:26 AM
;8:26 AM
Monday, January 09, 2006
laptop spoiled. cannot update much.. no pics..
ppl all first 3 months go school.
student can be ah beng
but ah beng cannot be student
student can change
but ah beng 4eva ah beng
student haf friends
ah beng haf brothers
friends study in school together
brothers walk different way
students study in school
ah beng rot at home
gals find ahbeng type students cute
while dey find ahbengs irritating.
guess haf to get a new laptop.zzz
;10:02 PM
Sunday, December 11, 2005
drunk and drench face
;6:13 PM
jon dieing haha
;6:13 PM
loLx this is the zouk band. mine fit in nicely
;6:12 PM
hahahx we steal ppl milo
;6:12 PM
erhx alamak underwater world mar. on ground can ba
;6:12 PM
jon and gm when raining
;6:11 PM
inside zouk
;6:11 PM
kkiex ytd or today morning was damn Gay. i was freaked out.. kkiex the day started out wif me slept at 5 am and woke up at 10 to recieve a call from jon. going out east coast park to skate.. so in the end me jon gm met up wif javin kenneth fred at east coast to rollerblade. this is my first time rollerblading. so tough to me.. i feel so noob when i was trying to rollerblade. i was so slow dat even those ppl walking can be faster than me.. suddenly got 1 little gal she just skate past me. i was so paisehx dat i was slower than her siar.. i feel so useless. den after that we went home at 5 .. no details information can be said. just fun and fun.. den after that i went to sleep at home till 10.. i thot i would just wait till next morning to come..
at 10 gm call me say jon wan us go zouk out party at sentosa. loLx without second thot i just went out to meet wif gm at night.. we bought absolut vodka coke and sprite. just like preparing for picinic. so i reached sentosa there went to many ppl going dere. we sat at beach and started drinking like mad.. damn i was so drunk.. was talking to her on the phone and damN... i fink i was too drunk and i said lots of weird thinGs.. we were so seriously drunk dat we did crazy stuffs. i was eating bread + the vodka.. jon and gm drink more than me too.. their liquor standard gd siar.. so it was 2 am.. we were listening to the music inside.. loLx actually we were damn high lar. dancing outside beach .. and we were disappointed. 1 ticket sell at 48 dollars.. wtf.. and i see all the ppl dancing inside. they were like so cool.. i lied down on the beach staring the sky and our heads were like spinning..
i told myself that we had to get in... so we camn up wif the plan to enter.. we had to get the wristband den we can get in.. so we went around at the bus stop to ask those who are going home. luckily we found 3 siar. and we managed to sneak in.. the secrutiry was like damn tight. so many officials crews and police. at first gm and jon went in. i was panicking outside..loLx my left pocket was 1 big vodka and right side the breads. damN i was so drunk dat i actually dare to walk past 4 secrutity check post.. if ani of the police ask me .i fink i am gonna die..so in the end came to the last security post.. damn..got body check. i had to throw away my stuffs.. so i went in the toilet and threew them behind the wall.. went in and haf fun. so suay suddenly rain.. we all dance a while onli den rain.. so we decided to go back.. loLx luckily jon is fit. he help me climb the wall and got back my bread and vodka.. we went to outside underwater world and sat down.. this is the eerie part
DAMN IT .. WE KENA APPROACHED BY REN YAO..( transverse) . at first there was this lady.. she looked damn man.. she ask us where the toilet we directed her liao and we sat down on this dark corner here without any ppl.. after that she talked to us.
Renyao(ry): can i sit down and chat wif u all
ryan: sure sure
ry: where u all from
gm: we all malaysians
ry: wats ur age
jon: all different lvl in school
ryan: where u from
ry: vietnam.u all handsome boy ar
gm ryan jon: noNonO
ry: erm .. i haf CONDOM in my bag
ryan(wif surprise): hUH? sorry?
gm: we still young we stil young
ry: 2night i am free
ryan:now 5 am liao moring liao
ry: come i help u all massage..
DAMn she just squeeze gm's neck. gm freaked out and can't mvoe. den she approached me.. she grabbed my hand den touch my stomach!!! my sensitive area.. wah lau. still say dun scared .. jon act talking on phone and she massaged his thigh... joN was so freaked out too.. so in the end we all say we gtg liao and walk away
wah lan sentosa damn alot of chio bu siar. when we walk out at bus stop.. daMN!!! i thot wah got chio bu. nice body siar... they waved at us somemore.. wah laN.. also transverse.. damn scared.. dey talk like man.. eeyeerr.. i am freaked out
;5:20 PM
Thursday, December 08, 2005
sinCe ppl requested me to blog more and i haf nothing better to do.. i try write more here. life is sad ever since its after prom.
chalet is actually quite fun to me though. on first day we practically tok cock in the room and den went out to play volleyball. so sian siar.. den i went back to sleep at 6 am until fred they all went into our room.. guoming went out wif them. i fink they drank 1 green apple whisky or something like dat. when 8 i wake up the next moring. i went to find them.. they left that tiny bit for me. about 5 ml.. loLx but its kinda nice. saw the boys playing mahjong and xbox.. kinda sian.. went back to room and den pack things awhile.. i haf decided to go to wild wild wet. loLx so me guoming jonathan kuai jia wilson aurick rit reian javin kenneth osama 11 of us went in. loLx quite fun.. every ride we took we just scream like nobody business. got to know one lifeguard damn funny. she down dere tok cock wif us den we also tok cock back. in the end still see her and me and jon decided to push her down the water. so suay she held to the railing. if i sees her again she will not be so lucky.. hahahX actually we created alot trouble dere too. for the slides we run and chiong down.. den kena kp.. the sky rider more funny. me and jon cycle damn fast and bump onto ppl's bike. javin even wanted to climb the walls at wave pool.. hahahX dunno how to say. but its kinda fun. guoming's fren is a lifeguard dere too. we 11 ppl like the japan show water boys like dat ran around.
when u get to the chalet it is kinda normal to pump into frens.. so concidental my chalet pump wif the jtlyrp boys chalet. still got primary school fren from anglican chalet. xhps fren chalet. ijtp arc chalet. and still got sec 3 chalet. on the second day night we bbq and ms khairani come. ouR godmother.. hahahx she so ke qi one.. still bought lots and lots of food for us. den after she went we decided to walk around. but actually de place was kinda wuliao also. no where to go..so after that we went back to sleep.. we shld haf use the time to do more meaningful stuff. haax
i need a job. i am broke. hope will haf job soon
;12:27 PM
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